Death And All of His Friend

I've thinking about death lately.

What?

Yeah, i know what your thinking. The word death is so scary. This life in dunya is so unexpected. Less than a month ago, a good friend of mine passed away at the age 24 because of an illness. He is so full of live, one of the most beautiful person that i'm happy to called a friend.

I envied him, the couple years i gotten to known him, he was so full of live. He's all about smiling, making people feel special and taking care off. Although he also have shortcomings, like every human, he have this glow. I can't even describe what it is. After his loss, i reflect. If i can choose, i don't want to be dead until i find what's the real meaning of happiness is. But i can't, so i choose to make the best out of it.

As a Muslim, i believe in after life. I believe that when my time is up in and when the day of judgment finally come, i'll be held accountable for my action in dunya. I took a step back and say,

"YA Allah, have mercy on me and please give me more time in this dunya. For i'm a human that is full of sin and i want You to cleans me so i can get into your paradise."

So what do i have to do in order to enter His paradise? I have to be a humble servant of Him. Have i done that? No. But do i want to be one? Yes. Absolutely.

What do i have to do?

I just rediscover my faith as a Muslim. I always pride myself as a true believe but yet i haven't try to be a good Muslim. The way Allah wants me to be. Until He took something away that is wasn't mine in the first place.

I suffered a great lost. When it happens, no amount of support or love that your family and friends show you will able to heal you. That's when i realise i've been lost.

Earlier this month i decided to wear hijab again. For i know the only love that can heal me is His love. So i seek His love. Knowing that He is the one that will never failed me.

We live to seek material things, thinking it will makes us happy. We live to seek revenge, thinking it would make our heartache go away. Some of us never really think about what live is all about. Including me.

I've been seeking love. Myself can never figure out what real love is. When you lost love, you feel like your world is falling apart. You became so invested at a person, thinking no matter what you do that they would never leave you. I forgot that we're human too. We can lost trust, we can lost the feeling of love if we don't realise where the love is actually come from.

From there, i write down the things that would help me heal. The first one is Allah SWT. The second one is being happy. What's happiness is all about?

I always think that being happy is seeing the people you love happy. I never really truly thinking about myself, what makes me happy. And to be perfectly honest, i didn't even know how. I never really think having a career, having loads of material things will make me happy. I had that but it sure does not make ma happy. But people say there's always light at the end of the tunnel and as i write this, i am getting closer to it. Because now i find what makes me truly happy and that is Allah SWT.

So what is happy and love got to do with death? I'm no longer afraid of it.

Keep in mind that having fear is inevitable but there's nothing wrong with that. This passed view weeks i've been contemplating, asking Allah for guidance and the fear is still there but at least i'm not afraid if i die tomorrow.

It doesn't seems to make sense but not everything suppose to make sense right?

But what i know is, i never feel so close to Allah. I'm not again worried about things as i know He will take care of me. And although i'm still in the process of healing, i know He will get me through it and with His love & mercy i am ready to for His plan for me. Even death.

"YA Allah, i love you and i know You love me too. I know i've been asking loads of things but i just want to ask You to reunite me with my love ones in Your jannah. For nothing will makes me happier."